SOME TYPICAL CLIENT STORIES   Since any information that a client shares is completely confidential, the following examples are not of real clients.  But, they are very typical stories of real clients.  Perhaps you will notice that these are stories of "normal" people, and that they have the kinds of difficulties that we all have.   ELIZABETH   Problem--Elizabeth is 35.  She wants to be in a long-term committed relationship.  She took a good, long look at the relationships that she had been in and noticed a pattern.  The relationships usually ended after about two years.  At that point she would get very angry, blow up, and leave the relationship.  Because she really wants a long-term committed relationship, she decided to come to therapy.   Coping style—After talking in detail about her significant romantic relationships, we discovered that Elizabeth is a “pleaser.”  She has a passive style.  She has learned to cope in the world by accommodating the desires of other people, not asking for what she needs and wants, and not saying “no” to things she doesn’t want.  Because many of her needs are not being met in her relationships, she gets resentful, stores up the resentments, and finally “blows,” ending the relationship.   Therapy—After illuminating Elizabeth's coping style, we uncovered the issue that is largely responsible for it.  It turned out to be fear of rejection.  Her belief was that she would lose whoever she was involved with if she believed that her needs and wants were as important as her partner's and behaved that way.  Elizabeth then learned assertiveness skills, and skills to manage the fear of rejection.  She has now posted a profile on a singles website and is practicing her new skills while dating.   DON   Problem—Don is 28.  He is depressed and unhappy in his relationship with his girlfriend, Kim.  They have been fighting a lot lately, and last week she hit him.  Kim drinks heavily, and gets verbally abusive when she is drunk.  Don is thinking about leaving the relationship, but he is afraid to be alone.  Also, he doesn’t like his job, but he is afraid to leave it, and he doesn't know what he would rather do.   Coping style—Don’s mother was a person who had to be in control of everything including her husband, Don, and his sister.  She was an alcoholic and died two years ago.  Because Don was not encouraged to develop his own interests and never allowed to have his own opinion, he didn’t develop a sense of self.  He seeks out girlfriends who are controlling because he feels most comfortable in that kind of relationship.  His focus is on other people se he can collect cues about how he thinks they want him to behave.  He has spent little time thinking about what kind of a job would be enjoyable to him, and also little time learning the skills that would help him be successful in a job search.   Therapy—The first order of business was to help Don develop an awareness of who he is.  Because he has spent so little time focusing on himself, this took a bit of time.  We talked about his childhood and the things that he was interested in and liked to do.  We continued this exploration up into the present.  In addition to greatly increasing his awareness of interests, likes, and dislikes, helping him become aware of his values was an important part of the process.  Behavioral practice from the first session onward was to switch the focus of his awareness from other people to himself so he could start knowing his feelings and desires.  Using this knowledge, he began to practice choosing behaviors that reflected what he wanted instead of what he thought other people wanted from him.